SELF SLAVERY

Is it possible to free ourselves from conflicts caused by our self-centered expression, which is a common form of misbehavior that impacts our relationships? We could, by looking inward and questioning ourselves, not be carried away blindly by our own wants, likes and dislikes and other subjective reasoning, which prevents consideration for other’s needs. Few have the will to try. There’s always that nagging voice saying ‘I’ am important, ‘I’ must take care of me, ‘I’ have my rights. But we live as families or groups within a society and are interdependent in so many ways that self-importance disturbs these relationships.

If we are clearly aware of the separation that egotism causes, we could begin to resolve this issue. One way is to look for the root of it, the source of this ‘I’ – perhaps originating in our brain. Could it be there? Scientists have recorded responses when they measure electrical activity in our brains, finding that signals are activated and can be measured by the things we see, hear, smell, feel or think about. Each response shows as a reaction in different areas of the brain. All our responses, through nerves that switch functions in the body on or off and activate muscle movements, are a two-way communication. So, they conclude that the controlling “motherboard” must be the brain. Then, what is the unseen force or operator that can steer or override this motherboard?

Where is the thinker?

How do you explain that we can decide, maintain a line of thought, or respond to a given situation? What gives us the ability to initiate? We can decide when to do something or not; how, where, and why to do it and with whom.

Where is this ‘ego’, the starter of our intentions? Can you pinpoint its location? A spot in the brain? In which part of the brain? Is it not created in thought? Is there something that imagines it or does the thought itself create that something? Not that there is a clear-cut or widely accepted answer, but we can agree that it is something that we cannot see. It does not have a describable appearance, and we cannot say where it comes from or where it is. Yet it makes us think the way we think.

Without judging this as right or wrong or good or bad, what we decide and what we do affects other people and their lives. Our words and actions can change our relationships, how people see us, how they respond to us, and these words and actions either hold us together or separate us. It all comes from believing that this ego can and should do as it wishes.

Consider again that we cannot see it, do not know where it comes from, do not know where it sits, whether in our brain or our body. We are just carried away by its likes or dislikes, moved by an unseeable thing. You could be laughing at how odd this is, or crying about how it has disturbed relationships at every level. But those who look at this objectively can begin to understand and put an end to their bondage.

It is bondage, no better word to describe it, with its strong grasp on us via our senses. What we see as beautiful stirs us, whether it is a human body, an object, a piece of art, or scenery. We are captivated by a voice or music; our ability to smell and taste is enraptured by foods that we like and if we are touched by someone who we love we are thrilled. Five ways, through our senses, for our ego to lead us like the blind. If we are aware of how these things move us, we avoid being carried away to extremes.

Staying safe and free

Humans are vulnerable beings, having to deal with our environment as well as with other people for things to keep us alive, making it necessary to develop not only practical skills but our mental capabilities as well.

The first is more straightforward and we have learned how to sustain ourselves. The second, the mental part of us, is more complex. Because much of our learning is for practical skills, we put less emphasis on knowing our psychological needs. But those who are aware of this and understand motivation have an advantage over those who don’t. So, even if we are not interested in science or in studying human behaviour, a very basic inkling helps.

The study of behaviour and how the mind works is the field of psychology, a subject with many branches. There is no theory accepted equally by all practitioners that explains how people see things or become conscious of their behaviour, and psychologists recognize that many things influence it, resulting in many branches of psychology. There is the area of behaviourism, clinical psychology, cognitive psychology, humanistic psychology, and so on. Psychologists also investigate how our body and brain interact and how each affects the other, how society and the environment Influences us, as well as how children develop mentally.

One specific area of practice affects everyone, and most people don’t know it. This is sales psychology, which studies how to motivate people to spend their money, how emotions affect their decisions and how sellers focus on people’s emotional needs to press them into buying something. Because it is a study of motivation and reveals what makes us do things, it gives politicians and salespeople (and conmen) an advantage when they use this knowledge. They become able to know, use it, and influence or control people when they have effective ways to persuade them. When a particular group owns and controls the mass media, i.e., newspapers, and television channels that most people read or see, the controllers of those media can influence the public to believe things that suit their plans.

Hidden motivators

More so when we are not aware of what motivates us. This is the point, that if we are blur about our thoughts and feelings, we are easily used by others who know how to get under our skin, so to speak. We allow them to twist our feelings, to make us believe things that are not true and do things that are not to our advantage. When we are not clear about how we think, how and why we respond to words and situations, we get blinded by likes and dislikes that govern our thoughts.

We become like puppets if we are not clear about things, if our minds are constantly wrapped around our personal concerns, unaware that we are slyly being told what to think. Being distracted by our desires and emotions is the commonest trait among humans and is the thing that makes us vulnerable.

This is not a moral judgment of right and wrong, but it is the potential to create consequences that we should be most aware of when we are more vulnerable than we should be.

Consequences to everything

One thing happens that causes something else, consequences rule everything on our planet. The birth and growth of plants, animals and humans is the result of germination or fertilization, having sunlight, water, and nutrients to support life and growth. Death is the result of the decay of each life-form as age causes cells to wear out and stop growing. Nothing escapes these sequences.

So is the same in our relationships: every word we speak and every action we take has consequences, either positive or negative. Words start things happening or stops them, they strengthen or break relationships and are a part of our lives that we can’t escape. Every single area of our lives is affected:

Tell a lie or betray someone and you destroy their trust – we lose respect for a person who cannot be depended on to keep their word, to do as they are expected. Knowing about the consequences of our words and actions is important because it affects how others see us.

In dealing with children, we praise or reward behaviours that we approve of, so they learn to repeat those behaviours; showing disapproval means that certain behaviours are unacceptable, and children learn not to repeat them – they learn to associate outcomes with their actions.

The same with partners in marriage: if we anger quickly or communicate poorly, our relationships are affected, preventing them from developing positively. If we show kindness, empathy, and support towards our partners, they learn to appreciate us, and our bonds get stronger. For a partnership to be wholesome we need to share ideas and thoughts, adapt to each other’s needs and be honest, to deepen our own understanding of how to relate to each other.

Putting off our studies results in poor grades or even failure; committing to a fitness routine results in better physical and mental health, higher energy levels and a sense of accomplishment. We avoid bad consequences when we learn from our mistakes and can judge what could happen because of what we want to do. This conscious awareness is a measure of our character and integrity.

Consequences in the workplace are equally serious. Mistakes bring loss and damage to a company’s reputation and spoil our career prospects. If we are not on talking terms with colleagues and are not clear about work to be done on time, we create friction and cause projects to fail and end up being unhappy in the workplace.  And if we can’t adapt to changes, we not only reduce our chances of getting promoted, but we may also not be able to keep our jobs. Honesty is vital too because of legal problems due to fraud and loss of reputation. Everything we think about or do can create unwanted results or bring on benefits depending on how carefully we respond to people and situations.

Generally, causes and effects are something that we all become aware of in our dealings with people we live or work with and we learn to behave accordingly, ideally to protect each other.