Tag: ego

  • MENTAL FLIMFLAM

    The many decent, caring and sensible people everywhere can see that a great many of us live life dishonestly and heedlessly, a definite misbehavior with wretched consequences for people who must associate with them. Even among educated people who are supposed to be able to think maturely and rationally, we are still faced with shameless behavior wherever and whenever in all our dealings. Education apparently isn’t a measure of good behavior and may even undermine our spirituality and intuitive capabilities. And, although most of us have been taught what good behavior is, we remain ignorant about what causes us to misbehave. Too few of us know how to question our motivations about why we do what we do – we just do them, driven by an unseen something that has free rein to think, say or do anything. That driver is our ‘ego’, for which the uncomplicated definition is: “your idea or opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own importance and ability”. This is the invisible root of self-centeredness and self-importance.

    One of the very common expressions of this ego is the ability to fool ourselves, to be pretentious and dishonest in our thoughts and the way we deal with things and people. Notice how we act as though we are flawless and faultless and when we do make mistakes, we hate to have them pointed out because it exposes this pretentiousness. Our ego makes us feel we must have things go our way, to suit our preferences regardless of how they affect others, and we are often unwilling to compromise or give way so that others’ needs can be met as much as our own. We clash like demigods out to outdo each other.

    Our ego’s dominant pride

    Observe and you’ll see that the overriding human expression is pride. While this is a reasonable feeling for our own or our loved one’s accomplishments, as a notion of superiority it veers to impudence. We think our mundane achievements puts us on a pedestal and grants us the right to be arrogant and we look down on those less accomplished, disregarding their worth. Very often this sense of pride is not even based on any accomplishment but of a grand idea of oneself. Self-importance is its root. If we realize that as human beings, we are insubstantial forms of energy common to all living and inanimate things and are going to age and die one day, what gives self-importance its validity or necessity? Why pretend we are immortal?

    It is also because of this mental stance that we get into pointless arguments, not clarifying any facts or solving any problem but stubbornly not giving in regardless of reason because then we would lose. And what would we lose? An idea or a point of view held as important, that may not have any merit, but we make it unquestionable, that’s all.

    There are many variations to this human parade of ego and dishonesty. We euphemize when we want to avoid telling hard truths about things – someone dies, and we say that person has ‘passed away’. Is death so hard to accept? It’s the one-and-only guarantee of our lives. We tell “white lies” to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or pretend a blunder hasn’t been witnessed to “give face”. Is it because we don’t want the blunderer to feel hurt or because we fear that we might be the ones embarrassed in a similar situation? We lack the honesty and courage to admit our faults. See that the hurt arises from a fragile ego and a reluctance to have it insulted, like a touch-me-not plant that folds its leaves defensively when touched, afraid to be chewed up. Remind yourself that this ego is imaginary, a notion that we carry in our thoughts. We defend this idea as though it were a precious living thing.

    What are we protecting?

    Of course, our bodies are living things and even among animals it is instinctive to protect ourselves from threats, but apart from life-threatening situations or bodily harm what are we protecting against? Except in crime-infested areas or war zones what is the threat? It is all in our imagination – “my” dignity, “my” values, “my” beliefs, “my” views, “my” worth, “my” idea of being special that shouldn’t be criticised, made fun of, contradicted, ignored or taken for granted. Imagine the tremendous peace of mind to be free of this weight of self-centredness, to be able to live without the need to protect these notions. Is it not silly to glue these thoughts and ideas to our minds then die without even having understood what’s going on, living a stressful life, wracked by worries, resentments and regrets just to protect a concept – a deepfake image longing to be real.

    There’s more. Because predators are aware of this fakery they take advantage of it with their own dishonest manipulation, pouncing on our longings, promising to satisfy them. Fooled by words and images we believe that we are being rescued by a knight in shining armour or a heavenly princess who will turn our lives into marvels of endless joy and pleasure. Goaded by visions of great wealth we lay our bets of borrowings or savings on possibilities conjured by liars who giggle ecstatically as they run off with the bounty released by our beliefs. Enticed by prospects of sensory bliss we are snared by sellers of psychotropic substances who thrive on victims trapped by addictions that fill minds with despair and bodies with actual pain when they are not constantly appeased. All because of an ego that seeks constant gratification as if life should be a never-ending blast of satisfaction. People in these predicaments lack the skills to be aware of themselves and to what drives them to do the things they do. It’s only when their lives hit a wall that they ask why.

    Meanwhile human pretentiousness persists with its chameleon-like range of creativity. We see bullies preying on anyone they think hasn’t the physical or mental strength to fight back, but they themselves are cowards who, when you stand up to them, will back off. Except for the insanely domineering they only assume that they can exert their wills on others and remain in control. Then there are those dawdlers who seem to be incapable of being punctual, always assuming the world will wait to cater to their whims. There are people who think they are rich just because they can buy more things than others, inflating their egos with their petty power to own more than they need while ignoring those who are needy. Fakes and flakes galore, we truly are a strange species.

    Misguided motives

    How about those with “good intentions”, who foist their chosen “values” on others, proselytizing narrow views without considering what is beneficial and life-supporting? Only their definitions of “good” or “bad” apply, according to a rulebook they have adopted and are adamant that it is the only measure to go by. They are not aware that their views are subjective, that only they have accepted their “norms” but think that others should also accept them. There are so many definitions of what is right, wrong or acceptable, and we should be wary of the division, separation and conflicts they result in. The only universal measure should be that none are excluded, that all can benefit equally, or else instead of serving a supportive purpose, they create differences and disharmony.

    Looked at frankly, much of human behaviour is pretentious, dishonest and self-serving, all due to our ability to exert our wills as we like. This will, a thought, an idea, has no basis apart from what we grant it. We are like magicians, conjuring up a fantasy out of nothing. Look for it, this ego that moves us to everything we think of, say or do. Where is it? How does it appear? What grounds do we have to validate it apart from sheer imagination and stubbornness? It’s an issue within all of us.

    No one else can be responsible for me

    If we are wanting to change anything for the better, we need to start with ourselves, asking why we are inclined that way. Why would we not want good relationships, well-being and peace of mind? Why let irrationality have its way with all its detrimental and unbeneficial consequences? What happiness can anyone gain? Even without considering the concept of karmic results for our actions, benefit is all that matters. In fact, the root meaning of karma is ’action’ and by extension, the consequences of it. Liken it to a boomerang and you see that when you send it out, for better or worse it returns.

    We also have a tremendous capacity to take things for granted. We’re only human is the favorite excuse for our misbehavior, and one shouldn’t expect any other kind of expression because these are human weaknesses. But that very word points to a flaw, being a ninny despite having the intelligence and power to opt for life-supporting and beneficial actions. We can benefit everyone equally if we look at ourselves honestly, without prejudice, and analyze the whys of our emotions and motivations and reactionary ways that get us into so much trouble.

    The trouble with pretentiousness is it’s not real. It’s fakery. We are not being true to ourselves. Fooling other people is bad enough but fooling ourselves is the height of idiocy. Pretending means you are not what you really are and if you were brutally honest with yourself you would know this, so who’s the real fool?

    You Are What You Eat
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  • SELF SLAVERY

    SELF SLAVERY

    Is it possible to free ourselves from conflicts caused by our self-centered expression, which is a common form of misbehavior that impacts our relationships? We could, by looking inward and questioning ourselves, not be carried away blindly by our own wants, likes and dislikes and other subjective reasoning, which prevents consideration for other’s needs. Few have the will to try. There’s always that nagging voice saying ‘I’ am important, ‘I’ must take care of me, ‘I’ have my rights. But we live as families or groups within a society and are interdependent in so many ways that self-importance disturbs these relationships.

    If we are clearly aware of the separation that egotism causes, we could begin to resolve this issue. One way is to look for the root of it, the source of this ‘I’ – perhaps originating in our brain. Could it be there? Scientists have recorded responses when they measure electrical activity in our brains, finding that signals are activated and can be measured by the things we see, hear, smell, feel or think about. Each response shows as a reaction in different areas of the brain. All our responses, through nerves that switch functions in the body on or off and activate muscle movements, are a two-way communication. So, they conclude that the controlling “motherboard” must be the brain. Then, what is the unseen force or operator that can steer or override this motherboard?

    Where is the thinker?

    How do you explain that we can decide, maintain a line of thought, or respond to a given situation? What gives us the ability to initiate? We can decide when to do something or not; how, where, and why to do it and with whom.

    Where is this ‘ego’, the starter of our intentions? Can you pinpoint its location? A spot in the brain? In which part of the brain? Is it not created in thought? Is there something that imagines it or does the thought itself create that something? Not that there is a clear-cut or widely accepted answer, but we can agree that it is something that we cannot see. It does not have a describable appearance, and we cannot say where it comes from or where it is. Yet it makes us think the way we think.

    Without judging this as right or wrong or good or bad, what we decide and what we do affects other people and their lives. Our words and actions can change our relationships, how people see us, how they respond to us, and these words and actions either hold us together or separate us. It all comes from believing that this ego can and should do as it wishes.

    Consider again that we cannot see it, do not know where it comes from, do not know where it sits, whether in our brain or our body. We are just carried away by its likes or dislikes, moved by an unseeable thing. You could be laughing at how odd this is, or crying about how it has disturbed relationships at every level. But those who look at this objectively can begin to understand and put an end to their bondage.

    It is bondage, no better word to describe it, with its strong grasp on us via our senses. What we see as beautiful stirs us, whether it is a human body, an object, a piece of art, or scenery. We are captivated by a voice or music; our ability to smell and taste is enraptured by foods that we like and if we are touched by someone who we love we are thrilled. Five ways, through our senses, for our ego to lead us like the blind. If we are aware of how these things move us, we avoid being carried away to extremes.

    Staying safe and free

    Humans are vulnerable beings, having to deal with our environment as well as with other people for things to keep us alive, making it necessary to develop not only practical skills but our mental capabilities as well.

    The first is more straightforward and we have learned how to sustain ourselves. The second, the mental part of us, is more complex. Because much of our learning is for practical skills, we put less emphasis on knowing our psychological needs. But those who are aware of this and understand motivation have an advantage over those who don’t. So, even if we are not interested in science or in studying human behaviour, a very basic inkling helps.

    The study of behaviour and how the mind works is the field of psychology, a subject with many branches. There is no theory accepted equally by all practitioners that explains how people see things or become conscious of their behaviour, and psychologists recognize that many things influence it, resulting in many branches of psychology. There is the area of behaviourism, clinical psychology, cognitive psychology, humanistic psychology, and so on. Psychologists also investigate how our body and brain interact and how each affects the other, how society and the environment Influences us, as well as how children develop mentally.

    One specific area of practice affects everyone, and most people don’t know it. This is sales psychology, which studies how to motivate people to spend their money, how emotions affect their decisions and how sellers focus on people’s emotional needs to press them into buying something. Because it is a study of motivation and reveals what makes us do things, it gives politicians and salespeople (and conmen) an advantage when they use this knowledge. They become able to know, use it, and influence or control people when they have effective ways to persuade them. When a particular group owns and controls the mass media, i.e., newspapers, and television channels that most people read or see, the controllers of those media can influence the public to believe things that suit their plans.

    Hidden motivators

    More so when we are not aware of what motivates us. This is the point, that if we are blur about our thoughts and feelings, we are easily used by others who know how to get under our skin, so to speak. We allow them to twist our feelings, to make us believe things that are not true and do things that are not to our advantage. When we are not clear about how we think, how and why we respond to words and situations, we get blinded by likes and dislikes that govern our thoughts.

    We become like puppets if we are not clear about things, if our minds are constantly wrapped around our personal concerns, unaware that we are slyly being told what to think. Being distracted by our desires and emotions is the commonest trait among humans and is the thing that makes us vulnerable.

    This is not a moral judgment of right and wrong, but it is the potential to create consequences that we should be most aware of when we are more vulnerable than we should be.

    Consequences to everything

    One thing happens that causes something else, consequences rule everything on our planet. The birth and growth of plants, animals and humans is the result of germination or fertilization, having sunlight, water, and nutrients to support life and growth. Death is the result of the decay of each life-form as age causes cells to wear out and stop growing. Nothing escapes these sequences.

    So is the same in our relationships: every word we speak and every action we take has consequences, either positive or negative. Words start things happening or stops them, they strengthen or break relationships and are a part of our lives that we can’t escape. Every single area of our lives is affected:

    Tell a lie or betray someone and you destroy their trust – we lose respect for a person who cannot be depended on to keep their word, to do as they are expected. Knowing about the consequences of our words and actions is important because it affects how others see us.

    In dealing with children, we praise or reward behaviours that we approve of, so they learn to repeat those behaviours; showing disapproval means that certain behaviours are unacceptable, and children learn not to repeat them – they learn to associate outcomes with their actions.

    The same with partners in marriage: if we anger quickly or communicate poorly, our relationships are affected, preventing them from developing positively. If we show kindness, empathy, and support towards our partners, they learn to appreciate us, and our bonds get stronger. For a partnership to be wholesome we need to share ideas and thoughts, adapt to each other’s needs and be honest, to deepen our own understanding of how to relate to each other.

    Putting off our studies results in poor grades or even failure; committing to a fitness routine results in better physical and mental health, higher energy levels and a sense of accomplishment. We avoid bad consequences when we learn from our mistakes and can judge what could happen because of what we want to do. This conscious awareness is a measure of our character and integrity.

    Consequences in the workplace are equally serious. Mistakes bring loss and damage to a company’s reputation and spoil our career prospects. If we are not on talking terms with colleagues and are not clear about work to be done on time, we create friction and cause projects to fail and end up being unhappy in the workplace.  And if we can’t adapt to changes, we not only reduce our chances of getting promoted, but we may also not be able to keep our jobs. Honesty is vital too because of legal problems due to fraud and loss of reputation. Everything we think about or do can create unwanted results or bring on benefits depending on how carefully we respond to people and situations.

    Generally, causes and effects are something that we all become aware of in our dealings with people we live or work with and we learn to behave accordingly, ideally to protect each other.

    Mental Flimflam
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  • Freeing me from me

    Freeing me from me

    You’d have to be interested in how your mind works to want to know how ‘free me from me’ is explained but do expect down-to-earth impressions because this comes from the viewpoint of an ordinary layperson who has observed his own and others’ misbehaviors, asked himself questions and sees commonsensical answers as to why people act the way they do.

    A noticeable thing about us humans is the constant undercurrent of conflict in the way we live – within ourselves and in our relationships. To meet a cool, calm and happy looking adult is less common than to come across one who is preoccupied, worried, annoyed or in a bad relationship with someone, at home, socially or at work. We don’t seem to be able to come to terms with our conflicts, not genuinely, though many will put on a show. But if you cared to look at yourself frankly and honestly you would see that this ‘me’ of ours is burdened.

    How would ‘me’ be free from ‘me’?

    Firstly, the words imply two separate entities, one real and the other a persona. But even for those not inclined to put up a false front, notice that we are often in two minds when we are faced with a choice – aware of a desirous thought versus a restraining one. This conflict in deciding suggests one ‘me’ needing to overcome another, though of course, we are a single entity weighing the pros and cons of the choice we want to make. And whether we don’t care about consequences or make well-considered decisions, we can determine which to choose.

    So, what is it that decides? An accumulation of information and memories to weigh all the necessary factors? Without turning to religious or other interpretations, all we are left with is our lone selves to think about things. To do so we need to be brazenly honest about our behaviours and misbehaviours because we prefer to ignore uncomfortable truths about ourselves and pretend that we are the best in all areas of our lives (or not) in how we think, what we say and in things we do. It’s a universal quirk, a human foible, that it is far easier to be blasé about what we are than to try to face and understand what pushes us to do the things we often do against ours and others’ better interests. The hidden ‘me’, is what we must contend with – the driver and responder of all our deeds.

    The weight of mental baggage

    Take an honest, unabashed look at yourself and people you meet, and you’ll notice that no matter who we are, what we project or how we make a living, at heart everyone has a common preoccupation: we carry a lot of mental baggage. And we hardly realize that we are overloaded, that the thoughts, experiences, emotional disturbances and motivations we have can disturb our peace of mind, overwhelm our ability to function rationally, and hamper our ability to relate to things and people wholesomely. This excess baggage weighs us down and prevents us from going about freely without confusion. It causes many of us to crash inwardly or into each other, with unpleasant results.

    If we are objective, we would see that we are like addicts, stuck to both mental and physical habits, wallowing in ignorance about what drives us, unwilling to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions. See that ignorance comes from ignoring, to take no notice of, to disregard. Given the unwelcome consequences, why? There is no pleasure in pain and no serenity in distraction. This is the ‘me’ that would make sense to be free of, the one that is reactionary or unconcerned or even proud of its arrested development.

    One might publicly object to this depiction and say it’s subjective, but secretly we know about the chaos in our lives, or we should: the differences we hold to, the bickering and disagreements among people we deal with, the insistence for doing things the way we want, the clashes between us and those in authority, the conflicts and wars between those so-called authorities in different countries and the devastation and hardships that result. None of these are positive or beneficial. The peace of mind we enjoy is always fragile and temporary. Surely, we should want to change ourselves and the world for the better, to opt for comfort instead of constant unease.

    Our lives are literally at stake

    But we cannot awaken a collective consciousness for well-being without starting with ourselves, individually. Each of us must be the starting point to be able to see such a cumulative benefit and if we don’t see the urgency of it, we’ll never start. Our lives are literally at stake.

    We need to delve into the makings of our consciousness: the cravings, pride, anger, fear, hatred, hypocrisy, jealousy, contempt, impudence, unforgiveness, cynicism, violence, all the mental hang-ups that burden us from time to time. Admit to them, examine why they occur to understand them, and you’ll see that when you have the guts to face up to each one of those nasty human traits, study them, see them for what they are and what they do, that clear acknowledgement and acceptance diminishes and could eliminate them. If you pretend that you are never or only rarely like that, those beasts will never be released.

    This is the first acknowledgement we must make, that there is a secretive driver of all that we think, say and do that shows up in all its many expressions. When we take ourselves for granted, we simply act on our impulses regardless of what happens as a result. We counter this with the power of conscious awareness to stop ourselves from acting as if we have a fixed role in a movie plot we can’t change. Or else we suffer the consequences – tossed like idiots in a boat without oars in rough waters. Anyone with a modicum of intelligence shouldn’t accept that.

    Getting free from me

    Now, picture someone saying, “me”, and you’ll see that person pointing to his or her body. We all accept this as a natural fact, the obvious reference point to our being. Our body is ‘me’, the starting point of all we think, say or do and though this might seem like an obvious thing to say, what is this ‘me’ we refer to? We take it for granted, don’t we? In fact, many of us don’t even want to think about what we really are. We are mostly uncaring about anything that doesn’t concern how we can please ourselves and satisfy all our cravings to make ourselves “happy”.

    The extreme expressions of this are the many other forms of addiction that we are prone to: power, drugs, eating, gambling, making money, having sex, immersing ourselves in social media channels, movies… anything that stimulates our senses and brings on some kind of instant though momentary satisfaction.

    Look at the broader picture: humans are electro-biochemical beings and like everything else on this planet, we are forms of energy, of different densities and shapes but energy, nevertheless. We are affected by our environment, subject to decay, and are tied to the workings of a ‘me’ about which most of us aren’t clear. We are vulnerable, depend on psychological and physical support, cannot escape the consequences of our behaviour, and as sentient beings our experience of life is mental.

    What are our lives about?

    Apart from ideas of creation and the whys of being born on this planet, what are our lives about? Since most of us don’t study science or psychology and can only rely on ourselves, why don’t we try to get to the root of it to try and understand what we can see and sense – our own experiences – the things that happen to us and how we react? Why hold on to the likes, dislikes, and all the emotional baggage in our minds and inflict them on each other? It’s all for nothing when we die, all that effort, all that spent emotion. To be free of this weight would be real freedom, no ‘me’ involved, only a wise and peaceable doing for the good of oneself and others, aware of the miracle that we are as a lifeform.

    Observe and you will notice that our likes and dislikes reinforce the ‘me’ which created them. It says, of course I have a right to believe these things. So ‘me’ the thinker is right about ‘my’ thoughts. Whether the thinker created the thought, or the thought created the thinker is a question to think about. As one teacher said, perhaps the thinker only exists because of the thought. Whatever.

    But the thinker who decides everything, exists in everybody’s imagination… the decision-maker of what to eat or drink, who or what to have relations with, what to gain pleasure from, which special person deserves to share this or not, and when or where the enjoyment should be had. Satisfying this constant craving has become the reason to exist. It needs continual feeding, with its never-ending hunger.

    Right or wrong or good or bad

    Yet another problem is thinking in terms of right or wrong or good or bad, subjective judgements that create indecision or shallow decisions. We have the innate intelligence to guide us toward what is beneficial and life-supporting, which makes subjective judgement of right or wrong useless as a concept because there are so many definitions of both. We literally fight over these positions – bearing animosity based on a thought form conjured out of thin air, like a magician on a stage.

    The source, the thought that creates the ‘me’ is impossible to pin down. Look for it. Check out where it arises, what its source is. Dare yourself to do this and discover that without it and its baggage, peace of mind becomes real and thrives. And this peace opens a reservoir of intelligence, without bias or prejudice, to understand things, free from ‘me’ and all its audacious reactions.

    What We Are
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