Tag: life

  • MENTAL FLIMFLAM

    The many decent, caring and sensible people everywhere can see that a great many of us live life dishonestly and heedlessly, a definite misbehavior with wretched consequences for people who must associate with them. Even among educated people who are supposed to be able to think maturely and rationally, we are still faced with shameless behavior wherever and whenever in all our dealings. Education apparently isn’t a measure of good behavior and may even undermine our spirituality and intuitive capabilities. And, although most of us have been taught what good behavior is, we remain ignorant about what causes us to misbehave. Too few of us know how to question our motivations about why we do what we do – we just do them, driven by an unseen something that has free rein to think, say or do anything. That driver is our ‘ego’, for which the uncomplicated definition is: “your idea or opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own importance and ability”. This is the invisible root of self-centeredness and self-importance.

    One of the very common expressions of this ego is the ability to fool ourselves, to be pretentious and dishonest in our thoughts and the way we deal with things and people. Notice how we act as though we are flawless and faultless and when we do make mistakes, we hate to have them pointed out because it exposes this pretentiousness. Our ego makes us feel we must have things go our way, to suit our preferences regardless of how they affect others, and we are often unwilling to compromise or give way so that others’ needs can be met as much as our own. We clash like demigods out to outdo each other.

    Our ego’s dominant pride

    Observe and you’ll see that the overriding human expression is pride. While this is a reasonable feeling for our own or our loved one’s accomplishments, as a notion of superiority it veers to impudence. We think our mundane achievements puts us on a pedestal and grants us the right to be arrogant and we look down on those less accomplished, disregarding their worth. Very often this sense of pride is not even based on any accomplishment but of a grand idea of oneself. Self-importance is its root. If we realize that as human beings, we are insubstantial forms of energy common to all living and inanimate things and are going to age and die one day, what gives self-importance its validity or necessity? Why pretend we are immortal?

    It is also because of this mental stance that we get into pointless arguments, not clarifying any facts or solving any problem but stubbornly not giving in regardless of reason because then we would lose. And what would we lose? An idea or a point of view held as important, that may not have any merit, but we make it unquestionable, that’s all.

    There are many variations to this human parade of ego and dishonesty. We euphemize when we want to avoid telling hard truths about things – someone dies, and we say that person has ‘passed away’. Is death so hard to accept? It’s the one-and-only guarantee of our lives. We tell “white lies” to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or pretend a blunder hasn’t been witnessed to “give face”. Is it because we don’t want the blunderer to feel hurt or because we fear that we might be the ones embarrassed in a similar situation? We lack the honesty and courage to admit our faults. See that the hurt arises from a fragile ego and a reluctance to have it insulted, like a touch-me-not plant that folds its leaves defensively when touched, afraid to be chewed up. Remind yourself that this ego is imaginary, a notion that we carry in our thoughts. We defend this idea as though it were a precious living thing.

    What are we protecting?

    Of course, our bodies are living things and even among animals it is instinctive to protect ourselves from threats, but apart from life-threatening situations or bodily harm what are we protecting against? Except in crime-infested areas or war zones what is the threat? It is all in our imagination – “my” dignity, “my” values, “my” beliefs, “my” views, “my” worth, “my” idea of being special that shouldn’t be criticised, made fun of, contradicted, ignored or taken for granted. Imagine the tremendous peace of mind to be free of this weight of self-centredness, to be able to live without the need to protect these notions. Is it not silly to glue these thoughts and ideas to our minds then die without even having understood what’s going on, living a stressful life, wracked by worries, resentments and regrets just to protect a concept – a deepfake image longing to be real.

    There’s more. Because predators are aware of this fakery they take advantage of it with their own dishonest manipulation, pouncing on our longings, promising to satisfy them. Fooled by words and images we believe that we are being rescued by a knight in shining armour or a heavenly princess who will turn our lives into marvels of endless joy and pleasure. Goaded by visions of great wealth we lay our bets of borrowings or savings on possibilities conjured by liars who giggle ecstatically as they run off with the bounty released by our beliefs. Enticed by prospects of sensory bliss we are snared by sellers of psychotropic substances who thrive on victims trapped by addictions that fill minds with despair and bodies with actual pain when they are not constantly appeased. All because of an ego that seeks constant gratification as if life should be a never-ending blast of satisfaction. People in these predicaments lack the skills to be aware of themselves and to what drives them to do the things they do. It’s only when their lives hit a wall that they ask why.

    Meanwhile human pretentiousness persists with its chameleon-like range of creativity. We see bullies preying on anyone they think hasn’t the physical or mental strength to fight back, but they themselves are cowards who, when you stand up to them, will back off. Except for the insanely domineering they only assume that they can exert their wills on others and remain in control. Then there are those dawdlers who seem to be incapable of being punctual, always assuming the world will wait to cater to their whims. There are people who think they are rich just because they can buy more things than others, inflating their egos with their petty power to own more than they need while ignoring those who are needy. Fakes and flakes galore, we truly are a strange species.

    Misguided motives

    How about those with “good intentions”, who foist their chosen “values” on others, proselytizing narrow views without considering what is beneficial and life-supporting? Only their definitions of “good” or “bad” apply, according to a rulebook they have adopted and are adamant that it is the only measure to go by. They are not aware that their views are subjective, that only they have accepted their “norms” but think that others should also accept them. There are so many definitions of what is right, wrong or acceptable, and we should be wary of the division, separation and conflicts they result in. The only universal measure should be that none are excluded, that all can benefit equally, or else instead of serving a supportive purpose, they create differences and disharmony.

    Looked at frankly, much of human behaviour is pretentious, dishonest and self-serving, all due to our ability to exert our wills as we like. This will, a thought, an idea, has no basis apart from what we grant it. We are like magicians, conjuring up a fantasy out of nothing. Look for it, this ego that moves us to everything we think of, say or do. Where is it? How does it appear? What grounds do we have to validate it apart from sheer imagination and stubbornness? It’s an issue within all of us.

    No one else can be responsible for me

    If we are wanting to change anything for the better, we need to start with ourselves, asking why we are inclined that way. Why would we not want good relationships, well-being and peace of mind? Why let irrationality have its way with all its detrimental and unbeneficial consequences? What happiness can anyone gain? Even without considering the concept of karmic results for our actions, benefit is all that matters. In fact, the root meaning of karma is ’action’ and by extension, the consequences of it. Liken it to a boomerang and you see that when you send it out, for better or worse it returns.

    We also have a tremendous capacity to take things for granted. We’re only human is the favorite excuse for our misbehavior, and one shouldn’t expect any other kind of expression because these are human weaknesses. But that very word points to a flaw, being a ninny despite having the intelligence and power to opt for life-supporting and beneficial actions. We can benefit everyone equally if we look at ourselves honestly, without prejudice, and analyze the whys of our emotions and motivations and reactionary ways that get us into so much trouble.

    The trouble with pretentiousness is it’s not real. It’s fakery. We are not being true to ourselves. Fooling other people is bad enough but fooling ourselves is the height of idiocy. Pretending means you are not what you really are and if you were brutally honest with yourself you would know this, so who’s the real fool?

    You Are What You Eat
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  • Freeing me from me

    Freeing me from me

    You’d have to be interested in how your mind works to want to know how ‘free me from me’ is explained but do expect down-to-earth impressions because this comes from the viewpoint of an ordinary layperson who has observed his own and others’ misbehaviors, asked himself questions and sees commonsensical answers as to why people act the way they do.

    A noticeable thing about us humans is the constant undercurrent of conflict in the way we live – within ourselves and in our relationships. To meet a cool, calm and happy looking adult is less common than to come across one who is preoccupied, worried, annoyed or in a bad relationship with someone, at home, socially or at work. We don’t seem to be able to come to terms with our conflicts, not genuinely, though many will put on a show. But if you cared to look at yourself frankly and honestly you would see that this ‘me’ of ours is burdened.

    How would ‘me’ be free from ‘me’?

    Firstly, the words imply two separate entities, one real and the other a persona. But even for those not inclined to put up a false front, notice that we are often in two minds when we are faced with a choice – aware of a desirous thought versus a restraining one. This conflict in deciding suggests one ‘me’ needing to overcome another, though of course, we are a single entity weighing the pros and cons of the choice we want to make. And whether we don’t care about consequences or make well-considered decisions, we can determine which to choose.

    So, what is it that decides? An accumulation of information and memories to weigh all the necessary factors? Without turning to religious or other interpretations, all we are left with is our lone selves to think about things. To do so we need to be brazenly honest about our behaviours and misbehaviours because we prefer to ignore uncomfortable truths about ourselves and pretend that we are the best in all areas of our lives (or not) in how we think, what we say and in things we do. It’s a universal quirk, a human foible, that it is far easier to be blasé about what we are than to try to face and understand what pushes us to do the things we often do against ours and others’ better interests. The hidden ‘me’, is what we must contend with – the driver and responder of all our deeds.

    The weight of mental baggage

    Take an honest, unabashed look at yourself and people you meet, and you’ll notice that no matter who we are, what we project or how we make a living, at heart everyone has a common preoccupation: we carry a lot of mental baggage. And we hardly realize that we are overloaded, that the thoughts, experiences, emotional disturbances and motivations we have can disturb our peace of mind, overwhelm our ability to function rationally, and hamper our ability to relate to things and people wholesomely. This excess baggage weighs us down and prevents us from going about freely without confusion. It causes many of us to crash inwardly or into each other, with unpleasant results.

    If we are objective, we would see that we are like addicts, stuck to both mental and physical habits, wallowing in ignorance about what drives us, unwilling to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions. See that ignorance comes from ignoring, to take no notice of, to disregard. Given the unwelcome consequences, why? There is no pleasure in pain and no serenity in distraction. This is the ‘me’ that would make sense to be free of, the one that is reactionary or unconcerned or even proud of its arrested development.

    One might publicly object to this depiction and say it’s subjective, but secretly we know about the chaos in our lives, or we should: the differences we hold to, the bickering and disagreements among people we deal with, the insistence for doing things the way we want, the clashes between us and those in authority, the conflicts and wars between those so-called authorities in different countries and the devastation and hardships that result. None of these are positive or beneficial. The peace of mind we enjoy is always fragile and temporary. Surely, we should want to change ourselves and the world for the better, to opt for comfort instead of constant unease.

    Our lives are literally at stake

    But we cannot awaken a collective consciousness for well-being without starting with ourselves, individually. Each of us must be the starting point to be able to see such a cumulative benefit and if we don’t see the urgency of it, we’ll never start. Our lives are literally at stake.

    We need to delve into the makings of our consciousness: the cravings, pride, anger, fear, hatred, hypocrisy, jealousy, contempt, impudence, unforgiveness, cynicism, violence, all the mental hang-ups that burden us from time to time. Admit to them, examine why they occur to understand them, and you’ll see that when you have the guts to face up to each one of those nasty human traits, study them, see them for what they are and what they do, that clear acknowledgement and acceptance diminishes and could eliminate them. If you pretend that you are never or only rarely like that, those beasts will never be released.

    This is the first acknowledgement we must make, that there is a secretive driver of all that we think, say and do that shows up in all its many expressions. When we take ourselves for granted, we simply act on our impulses regardless of what happens as a result. We counter this with the power of conscious awareness to stop ourselves from acting as if we have a fixed role in a movie plot we can’t change. Or else we suffer the consequences – tossed like idiots in a boat without oars in rough waters. Anyone with a modicum of intelligence shouldn’t accept that.

    Getting free from me

    Now, picture someone saying, “me”, and you’ll see that person pointing to his or her body. We all accept this as a natural fact, the obvious reference point to our being. Our body is ‘me’, the starting point of all we think, say or do and though this might seem like an obvious thing to say, what is this ‘me’ we refer to? We take it for granted, don’t we? In fact, many of us don’t even want to think about what we really are. We are mostly uncaring about anything that doesn’t concern how we can please ourselves and satisfy all our cravings to make ourselves “happy”.

    The extreme expressions of this are the many other forms of addiction that we are prone to: power, drugs, eating, gambling, making money, having sex, immersing ourselves in social media channels, movies… anything that stimulates our senses and brings on some kind of instant though momentary satisfaction.

    Look at the broader picture: humans are electro-biochemical beings and like everything else on this planet, we are forms of energy, of different densities and shapes but energy, nevertheless. We are affected by our environment, subject to decay, and are tied to the workings of a ‘me’ about which most of us aren’t clear. We are vulnerable, depend on psychological and physical support, cannot escape the consequences of our behaviour, and as sentient beings our experience of life is mental.

    What are our lives about?

    Apart from ideas of creation and the whys of being born on this planet, what are our lives about? Since most of us don’t study science or psychology and can only rely on ourselves, why don’t we try to get to the root of it to try and understand what we can see and sense – our own experiences – the things that happen to us and how we react? Why hold on to the likes, dislikes, and all the emotional baggage in our minds and inflict them on each other? It’s all for nothing when we die, all that effort, all that spent emotion. To be free of this weight would be real freedom, no ‘me’ involved, only a wise and peaceable doing for the good of oneself and others, aware of the miracle that we are as a lifeform.

    Observe and you will notice that our likes and dislikes reinforce the ‘me’ which created them. It says, of course I have a right to believe these things. So ‘me’ the thinker is right about ‘my’ thoughts. Whether the thinker created the thought, or the thought created the thinker is a question to think about. As one teacher said, perhaps the thinker only exists because of the thought. Whatever.

    But the thinker who decides everything, exists in everybody’s imagination… the decision-maker of what to eat or drink, who or what to have relations with, what to gain pleasure from, which special person deserves to share this or not, and when or where the enjoyment should be had. Satisfying this constant craving has become the reason to exist. It needs continual feeding, with its never-ending hunger.

    Right or wrong or good or bad

    Yet another problem is thinking in terms of right or wrong or good or bad, subjective judgements that create indecision or shallow decisions. We have the innate intelligence to guide us toward what is beneficial and life-supporting, which makes subjective judgement of right or wrong useless as a concept because there are so many definitions of both. We literally fight over these positions – bearing animosity based on a thought form conjured out of thin air, like a magician on a stage.

    The source, the thought that creates the ‘me’ is impossible to pin down. Look for it. Check out where it arises, what its source is. Dare yourself to do this and discover that without it and its baggage, peace of mind becomes real and thrives. And this peace opens a reservoir of intelligence, without bias or prejudice, to understand things, free from ‘me’ and all its audacious reactions.

    What We Are
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